WHOOHOO!

Today is a big day, I've officially lost 10% of my starting body weight - 33 lbs! (Yes, I realize now you not only know what I used to weigh, but what I weigh now...)

BUT SO WHAT!! I've lost the equivalent of a healthy toddler! And honestly, it wasn't THAT hard. Oh sure, the gnaw-your-leg-off weeks were TERRIBLE - but over the long haul it was do-able.

Now I know some of you reading this are going to think "geez, SHE can do it and I can't even lose a pound..." and get discouraged. I know that because I used to do that. While happy for my friend, I'd secretly feel sad that somehow without even DOING anything I had failed. And of course, failure made me want to eat!

But I want you to know - I WAS YOU. About 10 years ago I got FED UP with a lifetime of guilt and stress about food, and just gave up. Said that I'd rather be fat and happy than thin and stressed. So - I just stopped trying. And you know, for a few years, that was a good thing. I needed a break from all the beating myself up I was doing. But eventually, as even more weight came on, the guilt came back anyway. So I learned that guilt is really our conscience telling us what we need to do. The only way the guilt would go away, is to do the right thing. So like a shoplifter making restitution years later, I finally stepped up to the plate, acknowledged the problem and did the right thing.

I still have more than 100 lbs to lose. I've been at this exactly six months this week. That's a LONG time. And I have an even LONGER path ahead of me. But now I feel like I might actually get there! I still hate exercising, but I love how it makes me feel. So I'll do it, grudgingly and sparingly, but I'll get something in. And I've learned that I can feel satisfied with different food choices - I don't HAVE to get the burger and fries when we go out - but I CAN get them without guilt! Just making the mental shift that losing weight does not mean I have to change who I am or what I like is big. French Fries are still my favorite thing on earth. But now I'll be more particular - only eat them when they're really GOOD (like from my favorite restaurant) and then, maybe ONLY have the fries (not the burger). And I've learned that by passing up the burger and the fries three times, the fourth time I can have them COMPLETELY GUILT FREE!!

On the way home from Nashville the other day, I was totally worn out. In addition to not having had enough sleep, stressing getting there and performing on my game all day, then facing a long drive home - I was starving. I passed up Subway for Burger King, and got a Jr whopper (no cheese!) and fries. Told myself I needed this to feel better. Then I ate the burger and only about 1/2 the fries. And you know what? I didn't miss the rest of the fries. I put them back in the bag and threw it on the floor of the car where I couldn't reach it. BUT STILL, I didn't miss them. The next day, I just started fresh, determined to keep to my points. The best part? I STILL MANAGED TO LOSE 2.2 lbs this week!!! Now any food plan that lets me pig out on Burger King when I was stressed and STILL lose weight, works for me. That tells me that I can do this long haul.

I think what had stopped me from losing weight before is I thought I'd have to change all this stuff - give up my best friend food! But you know, it seems that's not so. All I have to do is manage it well enough that I have the freedom to get off the wagon from time to time.

I frequently compare my food addiction to an alcohol addiction unfairly - since I still have to EAT food, I can't just avoid it, it seems the harder addiction to get a grip on. HOWEVER - my thinking is changing. I am fortunate that I don't have to give up the food completely. Unlike an alcoholic, I don't have to say goodbye to my substance of choice forever. I know that French Fries will always be there when I am ready. And if I WAIT till I am ready, I can indulge without guilt, without fear of backsliding. And THAT is truly a wonderful thing.

I think I can finally beat this thing, and become the healthy, happy person I deserve to be!
You can too!

Blessings,
Jenn