BITE MY TONGUE!

That's about ALL I can bite - I've eaten EVERY LAST POINT I had this week - never done that before. I had one of those HUNGRY weeks - I feel like a crazed animal stumbling out of hibernation to find it's still February and there's no food to be found!!! Turns out I got my period yesterday, which explains a lot, but doesn't make it easier.

When I first started this, I worked on only eating till I was NOT HUNGRY, not till I was satisfied. Turns out I apparently NEVER get satisfied. So if I can eat juuuuust enough to take the edge off till the next meal, I do well. But this week... aaaaaugh.

I'm afraid to get on the scale tomorrow. I'm retaining water, I've had a rough week, it's gonna be ugly. I try not to get discouraged, but it's really hard. I REALLY want this to work, I need to get a grip on my relationship with food... oh oh oh - here's a thought...

Had a conversation the other night with one of those NATURALLY SKINNY people we all love to hate. She was eating two hotdogs and two kinds of chips at the time, I was trying to make my Fresca last me until I got home at 8 and could eat something healthy. We talked about food, and as she put about half the hot dog down on her plate, I asked her if we left that in front of her the rest of the evening, would she eat it? She said "No, of course not, i'm not hungry".
2 things there:
1. notice she didn't say -" I'm FULL" she was NOT HUNGRY. Big difference I think now.
2. as we talked, she expressed that seeing it there in front of her was not remotely tempting to eat it because it was there. I said that I'd probably pick at it all night and eventually it would all be gone, because I'd not be able to keep my eyes off it. I wonder... maybe I'm too concerned about having a RELATIONSHIP with food... what I need to do is not be so emotionally involved with it. Clearly she had no 'relationship' with that food, she ate until she was no longer hungry, then was done with it. Thrown away like an emergency prom date on Saturday morning. No regrets. While she could care less about the pile of chips and half eaten dog on her plate, I couldn't keep my eyes off it - NOR the table piled high with dogs and burgers and chips and soda. I held out more than an hour, then finally gave in and had a burger and a few chips. And you know, it was not remotely satisfying. Maybe I have to stop looking for FOOD to satisfy me, and understand that it's meant to just make me NOT HUNGRY. No more no less.

I just can't figure out how to divorce rewarding myself with food. Several of us ladies talked about it that night. I mean food is the best drug around.
It's:
Cheap
Readily Available
Legal
Socially Acceptable
Tasty

The magazines tell you to reward yourself with a bubble bath, or a new blouse.
Well can't get a new blouse for $3 and take a bubble bath in 10 minutes while answering my email - but I can eat half a tray of oreo cookies! Cheap and fast. Easier to shop for than blouses. Don't have to take time from my schedule to prepare or consume.

If anybody has any ideas on how to break the habit/reward oneself sanely I'd sure like to hear it.

so far, the food tastes better than I think thin will feel!!!

Off to fight another day!